Sample some of the kids’ favorite new (and old) artists. Outfit your backpacks with patches, buttons and graffiti of each band and be the most popular kid in school. Ask them to play your prom or bar/bat mitzvah! Thanks to John Michael from Facebook, here is the Spotify playlist. I have no idea what Spotify is but it seems important.
Blessing the Hogs – Thinning the Herd
Featuring Billy Anderson, BTH is downtuned violence that continues to beat you down long after you’ve expired. You got a problem with bullies? Play this song before you walk the halls and see who’s head gets flushed in the toilet!
Bongzilla – MeLovesPot
Off of their first EP (and my personal favorite recording from Bongzilla), this is like a loose, sludge jam that seems to barely hold onto structure. Great to play while you steal away after 3rd period to catch a buzz before going to Biology.
Scissorfight – New Hamshire’s Alright if You Like Fighting
Not the rock/sludge fair that Scissorfight made famous on their masterpiece “Balls Deep” but this song will get your ass moving. This is how you bring the ladies to the party – put on Scissorfight and watch the asses shake. A sure-fire panty dropper.
Ramesses – Omniversal Horror
The now defunct Ramesses bring the riffs (like they always do) on this song. If you don’t like this song and the opening riff, I feel sorry for your face. You got a Camaro? Perhaps you drive a Thunderchicken? Whatever you drive, burn your tires to this song. Also good for picking up dates with. Leaves a good impression on the family.
Nails – Unsilent Death
The song to push you to physical revenge on your enemies. I know domestic violence is a hot issue these days, I can tell because the NFL shoves it down my fucking throat every 18 seconds. Luckily, like cancer, I was totally unaware of the problem until people cried on TV. But this song can help you get out the rage you may feel to a former lover. Instead of resorting to violence, play this song loud in front of your ex. Then act out all the punches and screams you’d like to throw at them. Think of yourself as either a Jet or a Shark. And if you don’t know what those two things are, I’m sure some pathetic group of adults will form a group in order to bring it to your attention.
Lord Mantis – Ritual Killer
One of the best songs ever written – scary as hell, amazing melodies and terrific riffs. When Charlie Fell announces the song with, “I deny my life” you know he means it. There’s not a lot I can say about this song as it relates to school.
Indian – Guiltless
Did you know Indian broke up? Sucks. You know who continues to drop anal soft serve on the world? Killswtich Engage. Thus one can conclude that there is no god or benevolent being watching over us. That and S.I.D.S.
Cattlepress – Uncharted
Totally and completely overlooked, Cattlepress’ “Hordes to Aboslish the Divine” is one of the finest albums ever written. One of few bands that looked completely outside the box and made a sound all their own. If they were fashion, they were bell bottoms in a tapered jean world.