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  • September4th

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    10 Song Playlist

    This playlist will highlight some of the blackest sources of metal known to man.  With the exception of EHG and Buried at Sea, I’d say the below 10 are my favorite bands.

    Coffinworm – Start Saving for Your Funeral

    I once heard these guys described as “Eyehategod with Gauntlets”.  Of course, they don’t have the southern swing down but I think it’s accurate for people who don’t know much about music.  These guys give me a boner that curves enough to hit Satan’s g-spot.

    Thou – Belt of Fire to Guide Me, Cloak of Night to Hide Me

    This is one of the Litmus Test Bands for me – “Do you like Thou?”  If affirmative, they are good people.  If negative, I question their lives.  Absolutely crushing and no excuse for anyone to not have all of their stuff as most of it is free.  Incredible guitar melodies over massive low end.

    Lord Mantis – At the Mouth

    Along with Coffinworm, Lord Mantis put a hurting on false metal twats and anyone else that bothered to record anything in the past 5 years.  Drummer Bill Bumgardner does time in Indian and is insanely unique.  Art work by J. Bartlett. Lord Mantis, at least this lineup, are no longer and are forging on without the great frontman/bassists Charlie Fell.

    Indian – Slights and Abuse

    Fuck you if you think I’d mention Lord Mantis and not Indian.  Indian decided to wake up and make nothing but music that goes in dry and comes out bloody. Indian are no longer and have teamed up with the remains of Lord Mantis. Dylan O’Toole’s vocals are scathing.

    Burning Witch – History of Hell

    True Seattle music, if you don’t know the history of Burning Witch you have been under a rock for the past 25 years with your Man-o-War CD’s talking about how awesome Lars Ulrich is as a drummer.  They had the saying “Death to False Hippie Doom” and it’s entirely true.  Burning Witch move at a truly glacier pace and the vocals surrender to the Ghost of Geddy Lee.  Insane Sunn Amp volume dealers.

    Dragged Into Sunlight – I, Aurora

    I had a hard time picking just one song from DIS, so I recommend you listen to everything they have, including their newest offering “Widowmaker”.  These guys have blackened every part of their music and have made amazing strides.  And an incredible live act. This would me classified a bit more of a death metal act but they have successfully incorporated doom, black metal and (gasp) even some post-metal into their music without sounding disjointed. This is VERY hard to do.

    Unearthly Trance – God is a Beast

    Sadly, UT are no longer but their spirit grows within all doom/sludge/black music.  I got to see them play without the aid of a PA (aka HIDING) and they pulled it off because they play hard and play loud. The chorus of this song is incredibly catchy and I dare you to not get it stuck in your head.

    Portal – Larvae

    Another band you must see live.  I fucking hate live shows now (I hate smelly people and wish they’d quit touching me (and that’s just people, in general)) but would go see Portal again.  My friend called Portal experience “the closest thing to an acid trip” after getting out of rehab.  Portal is NOT for the average listener; this is like being in an insane asylum and occasionally things make sense.  Occasionally. This is more death metal/black metal/horror metal/soundtrack to Lovecraft. If you’ve ever read H.P. Lovecraft and fell in love with the Cthulhu Mtythos, this is the music of The Great Old Ones.

    Goatsblood – Ashtray Cunt Eyes

    Way ahead of their time, Goatsblood are fucking raw and full of low-end hate with black tips that have gone way too unnoticed by the underground.

    Clinging to the Trees of a Forest Fire – Lower Than Life, High as the Sky

    100% hate filled grind/sludge.  I bet these guys give junkies hot shots for the hell of it. At the 3:00 mark or so, the weird riff/effects are amazing.

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  • August29th

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    Sample some of the kids’ favorite new (and old) artists. Outfit your backpacks with patches, buttons and graffiti of each band and be the most popular kid in school. Ask them to play your prom or bar/bat mitzvah!  Thanks to John Michael from Facebook, here is the Spotify playlist.  I have no idea what Spotify is but it seems important.

    Blessing the Hogs – Thinning the Herd

    Featuring Billy Anderson, BTH is downtuned violence that continues to beat you down long after you’ve expired. You got a problem with bullies? Play this song before you walk the halls and see who’s head gets flushed in the toilet!

     Bongzilla – MeLovesPot

    Off of their first EP (and my personal favorite recording from Bongzilla), this is like a loose, sludge jam that seems to barely hold onto structure.  Great to play while you steal away after 3rd period to catch a buzz before going to Biology.

     Scissorfight – New Hamshire’s Alright if You Like Fighting

    Not the rock/sludge fair that Scissorfight made famous on their masterpiece “Balls Deep” but this song will get your ass moving. This is how you bring the ladies to the party – put on Scissorfight and watch the asses shake. A sure-fire panty dropper.

     Ramesses – Omniversal Horror

    The now defunct Ramesses bring the riffs (like they always do) on this song.  If you don’t like this song and the opening riff, I feel sorry for your face. You got a Camaro? Perhaps you drive a Thunderchicken? Whatever you drive, burn your tires to this song. Also good for picking up dates with. Leaves a good impression on the family.

     Nails – Unsilent Death

    The song to push you to physical revenge on your enemies. I know domestic violence is a hot issue these days, I can tell because the NFL shoves it down my fucking throat every 18 seconds. Luckily, like cancer, I was totally unaware of the problem until people cried on TV. But this song can help you get out the rage you may feel to a former lover. Instead of resorting to violence, play this song loud in front of your ex. Then act out all the punches and screams you’d like to throw at them. Think of yourself as either a Jet or a Shark. And if you don’t know what those two things are, I’m sure some pathetic group of adults will form a group in order to bring it to your attention.

     Lord Mantis – Ritual Killer

    One of the best songs ever written – scary as hell, amazing melodies and terrific riffs.  When Charlie Fell announces the song with, “I deny my life” you know he means it. There’s not a lot I can say about this song as it relates to school.

     Indian – Guiltless

    Did you know Indian broke up? Sucks. You know who continues to drop anal soft serve on the world? Killswtich Engage. Thus one can conclude that there is no god or benevolent being watching over us. That and S.I.D.S.

     Cattlepress – Uncharted

    Totally and completely overlooked, Cattlepress’ “Hordes to Aboslish the Divine” is one of the finest albums ever written.  One of few bands that looked completely outside the box and made a sound all their own. If they were fashion, they were bell bottoms in a tapered jean world.

    Get the 2nd Edition 5/3/1 Ebook Here
    5/3/1 2nd Edition Hard Copy on Amazon
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